Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
