Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
