Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
