Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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