How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
