a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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