Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
im on a boat
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