in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
