You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
