If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
