Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
