Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
