I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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