Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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