It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
