you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
