How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
don't judge my taste in strippers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
