i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
