Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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