The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Randomize
