I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
