I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
