I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
