Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's like heaven, but drunker
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
