I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This baby is an asshole
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
