eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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