we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
