Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
