i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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