"it" just moved
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
