True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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