You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
