i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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