Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
