He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
