weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
