i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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