After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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