I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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