TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
