lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
