I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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