I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
