And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
