Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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