Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
