i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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