its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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