JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
