There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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