did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
