I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
