I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
