We won't sleep together?
You're my little dorito
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
